yiselnvrr93:

After I washed a cup at work all I’ve been able to think of all day is that sponges are the opposite of dicks. They get soft when in contact with dat wet wet and hard when they’re dry.



Anonymous asked:
the fool

adiostoreadumb:

The Fool: Tell an embarrassing story.

Ok so 2 years ago I was going to a tiny one day con with some of my friends because my friend Alister had a table there. It was like a 2 hour drive so we all got in the car and we were driving out to butt fuck no where for this tiny con and we got really hungry so we wanted to stop somewhere for breakfast. We ended up stopping at a Dunkin Donuts.

Now, just a bit of background info, I was test running my Caliborn cosplay in full makeup and prosthetic for the first time. I was completely green.

Since I have no shame I was like fuck it I’ll go in to get these donuts so I go in as Caliborn and the people at Dunkin Donuts are like haha funny and it was what you would expect, but the real embarrassing part happened when I was leaving the store.

I can’t wear my glasses with my Caliborn prosthetic because it looks weird and they don’t sit on my face right so I was like whatever everything will just be a little fuzzy. I was walking back to the car holding a box of a dozen donuts and I grab the door handle to the back seat and sit down and I’m about to close the door when I look in at the front seat and realize tHIS IS NOT ALISTER’S CAR.

THERE IS A MAN IN HIS FORTIES MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THE GREEN ALIEN WHO JUST SAT DOWN IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR.

I MAKE SILENT EYE CONTACT WITH THIS STRANGER IN HIS CAR FOR A SOLID TEN SECONDS AND I COMPLETELY FROZEN WITH FEAR AND THEN I HEAR ALISTER YELL "SHILOH THAT IS NOT OUR CAR” AND I FUCKING BOOK IT OUT OF THIS MAN’S CAR AND RUN ACROSS THE LOT AND JUMP IN ALISTER’S CAR.

To this day I still think about the trauma this poor man experienced on a quiet Saturday morning in a Dunkin Donut’s parking lot. I wonder what he told his family when he got home.





(Source: memewhore)



cumsock:

she dead

cumsock:

she dead

(Source: memewhore)



im-heem:

80HD

im-heem:

80HD

(Source: heemkage)



browningtons:

horsefricker:

browningtons:

Babe im not grabbin ur boob im grabbin ur heart 

thats my right boob tho

babe



tom-sits-like-a-whore:


i-might-be-misha:

tsar-bucks:

georjajayhurrison:

fangks:

christieanne:

I’d be laughing ll the way out the door

do u at least get to see a dick tho

tumblr user fangks asks the real questions

my mother has been there and reports that yes you do get to see the dick and also it’s worth it

i would not be ashamed then

fuck “walk of shame” i’d strut out of the bathroom like yes bitch i just saw a nice dick what have you done with your life

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

i-might-be-misha:

tsar-bucks:

georjajayhurrison:

fangks:

christieanne:

I’d be laughing ll the way out the door

do u at least get to see a dick tho

tumblr user fangks asks the real questions

my mother has been there and reports that yes you do get to see the dick and also it’s worth it

i would not be ashamed then

fuck “walk of shame” i’d strut out of the bathroom like yes bitch i just saw a nice dick what have you done with your life



dandraco:


hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.

The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.

And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)

At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.

And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."

And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.

And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.

And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.

TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.



dareva:

when fans of a thing make you dislike a thing



joshpecksister:

if someone asks what college is like you show them this

joshpecksister:

if someone asks what college is like you show them this



Today is probably one of the only times I will ever say that I’m so thankful, happy, and relieved that I had my period



(Source: treslame)




foodffs:

Latke Waffles

Really nice recipes. Every hour.



pishposhspice:

my roommate is 2 days younger than me so i’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 2 days ago



(Source: fruj)